Traveling The Unknown
My mind constantly races with the unknown as does the minds of most everyone. This is natural how we seek to know the truth and insight of those we care about. Even those we show interest in. I can honestly say that all of 2008 has been the most stressful time in my life. It can only get better, right? So easily our confidence is shattered with the unknown. Where does that strength come from when rock bottom is so clearly in sight? Even at the age of 29 that wisdom is blurry, to grab tightly onto the security we all wish to fathom.
I hurt. I love. I seek. I desire. Never before have I found such a desire to know the mind and the reality of this heart that brings laughter and a sense of hope. Lately it’s becoming more clear that this isn’t how we wished for it to be.
Call me possessive or maybe obsessed. But it comes with a healthy mind and a strong heart. I carry this willing passion to achieve a position with this heart. Though the world brings it’s mighty blows I carry on. I pursue with understanding and sensitivity to be enough strength for the world to step aside.
Do you know what I want? I want you. I would like to have you. To be the only one to receive such words and to have them reciprocated. I will only want what is willing to give. And sometimes I’ll want what isn’t willing to give, but I’ll understand if you just say something with sustenance.
I’ll leave 2008 in it’s wake only showing little ripples here and there of it’s past. Eventually they disapear and wither away. I’ll leave New York with a greater interest and ability to raise and love my son. You’re my one and only, Landon. Life has handed some blows that kept you from me. Selfish reasons have kept you from me. Lies have kept you from me. But you will know this one day and you will see daddy’s over-powering love shine through for you. I’ve been given an example on how life should be lived and I will pass this onto you.
In the immediate unknown is the interest I seek. Frustration and hurt follows that on an unmentionable scale. Other’s influence this and it breaks me. It’s the quietness that I’m discontent with. You are loved.
September 12th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I just wanted to say that I have been following your situation through someone else and while I am glad that justice is being served, I will pray for you while you are in prison.